i'm taking 30 seconds of your life

Jkmaxine34: aww you were a bean dip virgin

2008-07-13T01:13:00.002-05:00

he paused.
she looked back.
he looked sad.
she asked why.
he said nothing.
she said goodnight.

and her lisp was the cutest of all the land.

-ricky

The answer to success.

2008-07-11T23:20:00.000-05:00

FEAR! Is your fear of failure greater than the excitement of success? Fear of selling out, fear of the almighty NO, fear of everything this side from death. Attending A.C.C. & Del Mar for public relations and advertising, I learned that everything that you do is marketing for yourself. How you present or carry yourself, how others perceive you all coincide to the networth of your success in any scenario. Your actions are a direct reflection of how you are and who you will become. This is important for anyone to realize because when your integrity is tested, people will know how you will react and most importantly how you handle your composure. This brings me to another topic. Your network.

In an essence, every person you meet is a potential client. For what, who knows? My network is the single most important thing to me. Without it I could not make connections and moves otherwise necessary to be successful. I am sure that someone down the line in your life has told you it's not what you know, it's who you know. Getting the foot in the door is the first step and after that, you gotta outshine em. To be successful in any industry, you have to have a strong, dependable, reliable and loyal network. Without this you will find yourself more vulnerable to opposition and make things difficult I'm the pursuit to success. Below are a few guidelines to help get past that fear and moving towards the direction of more profitability, productivity, and success for your clients.

Love your Clients! - Clients could care less about what you know until they know you care.
Serve your Clients! - If you’re selling something that the client doesn’t need, then you probably shouldn’t be selling it at all. If they do need it, then you’re not really selling, only consulting through educating and persuading. Remember- people hate being sold, but they love to buy!
You are Yoda! – Just as every Jedi goes to Yoda, your clients come to you because you have the omniscient, all-knowing Yoda type of knowledge that is responsible for them paying you in the first place.
Encourage New Ideas! – Keep a questioning nature and always remember that business owners know more about their businesses than you do. So shut up and pay attention…
Get Hungry! – A closed mouth doesn’t get fed if you want things to happen. You have to initiate the action!

Stay up and hope this reaches some of you on a level of comprehension and retention. And to whomever reads this good-luck on your endeavours!

-Ricky

i'm gonna need a bodybag

2007-08-02T09:20:00.000-05:00

how i'm feeling as of late...

+ feeling good about the band (parle)
+ my job is awesome
+ i love my friends
- missing her
- feeling like i have to push every breathe out of me just to catch another one

:( i miss her so much

and the story goes a little something like this....

2007-02-28T15:21:00.000-06:00

it's so easy sometimes to just quit on something. you can pour your heart, time, money and emotions so invested into something, and once it gets to a point to where you're tired of it, it's just so easy to quit. my gf broke up with me today and the only thing i could do is watch it as it went by. I've tried so many time on so many levels to try to make this work. comprimising, making promises and secret negotiations with your heart just won't work anymore. she doesn't want to do this anymore but i dont know if i want to either. i know i can probably do better but we'll see what this all ends up to be. but like i heard once, "love can't save you." it really can't. i dont know why i'm writing this but i feel a little bit betterr about the situation. whatever. i'm sure later i'll feel so crappy, sad, emotional but i'm sure eventually i'll get over it. this is stupid.

I'm a genious with a headache

2006-12-31T16:07:00.000-06:00

the only fingers you point should be at the mirror.

tomorrow is 2007.i dont make resolutions, i make promises to my heart and i dont need some end of the year party ushered in with a hangover and smoke-filled hair to "start over". there are 364 other chances in the year to stop your shitty or counter-productive behavior so why choose today? you dont need a "resolution" or a new year to "begin again" because this world is full of people just WAITING to "begin again". its just as arbitrary as any other monday. if your year sucked its because you didnt make an effort to learn from your mistakes or from those who surround you.
they say the number one "resolution" is to lose weight. so do it.yeah, dr. phill isnt the one to stand by your side and give you the "you'll get em next time, tiger" speech. no, fuck you. if you didnt lose the weight you wanted to you're simply lazy. hands down. you tried but you didnt try hard or long enough. you gave in and gave up. the world is full of lazy people. are you one of them?stop eating crap, stop eating so much and start moving around. yeah weird, it actually works.
you want better friends because all they do is talk shit to you.what people and predominantly, kids dont understand is that friendship is a two way street and that YOU happen to be half of that shitty relationship. either you're enabling the abusive relationship or you're too much of a chickenshit to stand up to people and tell them that they are offending you. which one are you?if you maintain shitty friendships its because you yourself let it happen. if you have shitty friends its because you're a shitty person. its difficult to stand up for what you think is right, but whats more difficult...to tell someone who has a part of your heart that what they do or say is offending you and remove them out of your life or to sit back and take your place as a submissive and beaten dog as they continue to make you eat shit sandwiches? ultimately, you control the people you surround yourself with."i want to tell the world to 'fuck off,' just like you ricky."telling the world to 'fuck off' without knowing what you're standing up for or having direction is pointless and childish. people dont like inarticulate spoiled little brats, you simply come off as selfish and immature. the last two things that would evoke empathy or understanding. whats your battle plan? what do you have to gain by telling the world to 'fuck off'? is there a reason? once you've accomplished your goal of giving everyone you know the finger, then what? no one will care about your trite little middle finger rebellion unless you have an objective. every little thing your heart desires will involve some sort of compromise or sacrifice. school, friendships, money, careers...every last goal you strive for will involve some amount of suffering, how much you will tolerate will be up to you. you dont like to compromise? cool. good luck with your life. i hope you dont expect big things. "but i just want the world to accept me for me."yeah, well get in line. resolutions have a long history of failure. lifestyle changes do not.temporary solutions are just that, temporary. thats why most diets fail. because people dont see it as a permanent plan, we see it as a line in the sand that once we think we've crossed we can sit down and relax...but what most of us dont realize is that that line is always moving. it doesnt wait for you, us or anyone. the struggle of life is constantly running to cross that line and the irony of it all is that we will never cross it and the knowledge of that is the difference between the intelligent and the victims.so you can moan and bitch and complain and fall back with the boring and lazy who want nothing more than for you to keep them company or, with two middle fingers raised high you can smile and run as hard as you can because your character will be measured by the goals you strive for, the fight you give and the secret promises you've made to your heart.

2006 was the best year of my life. love/live/learn

cancel our subscription - we don't need your wishes anymore

2005-10-30T09:05:00.000-06:00

i should be ashamed of this, i'm not.
this smile don't work and i'm only as loyal as my options.
find a nice spot in this room where you can dig yourself much deeper in.

i can't believe that you would ever trust me.

take your foot out of your mouth and into the door

2005-10-11T23:37:00.000-05:00

I’ll choose to follow the tracks, to study the facts, the acts that you left behind. You can lie to yourself but i'll never believe you. You know what I'm bad at and that silence is awkward enough. I'll never get this right. intro,verse,chorus,breakdown,chorus,end. there's a formula for everything but you can't put a plan on this.

we'reallselfconciousimjusthefirsttoadmitit

-ricky west

if you talk it, better walk it, better back your shit up

2005-09-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

JUST FOR THE RECORD,
the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
1. Indifference and(or)
2. Disinterest in what the critics say
3. Missunderstandings - let's send them back where they came from.

-rick

p.s.
well we're just a wet dream for the webzines,
make us it, make us hip, make us scene.
Or shrug us off your shoulders.

"try and right these wrongs but its funny how the same wrongs helped me write these songs"

2005-09-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

it's all a balance.
+ telling someone you like them
+ new tsa song "i promise to forget if you promise to remember"
- time is not on your side
+ dreams
- the second after the dream where you think it is all still real
- the brothers grimm
+ the red light district
+ falling asleep phone on the chin (cause of you)
- i love my friends but i don't really like some of them
- falling asleep / waking up

eastbound traffic has led me to rush hour scenes.

2005-07-26T16:08:00.000-05:00

i wonder what you are thinking about right now. and where you are and who you're with. i need to be there.be them. 2 days breaks down to 48 hours breaks down to 2880 minutes breaks down to 172,800 seconds.. breaks down to. forever. i wish i could have been there for every last one."do you remember when you and i, were less than us and we? covered up what little was left of me and became, one in the same." i give up. you win the battle and the war. take me prisoner please. i appear more dead than alive but enough love and morphine can fix anything.yes with enough morphine one could lose their legs and not feel a hint of pain.put me under.i need this because it goes on and on and on and on and on.

-read between the lines believe

rick

i keep telling myself i'm not the desparate type

2005-07-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

i'm the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. trust me when i say this, i'll only go so far to get your attention. you want the truth? the truth hits so much harder than i could ever say. something is going on right now and its gonna be big and ugly and hurt both of us."fool me once, shame on me. fool me twice, you're dead to me." the worst thing in the world is feeling like you are just turbulence in someone elses life. i am just some kid who has a smile that makes you love me or hate me. read the words, slow down. start again. you never really know the wieght of someones words until they hit you with them. whatever. none of this makes sense.

-rick

i swear i'd know your face in the crowd

2005-06-17T01:00:00.000-05:00

this is what i get for wanting more. it's all on me and i always put myself into spaces that i can't back out of. i can't talk my way out of this even if i wanted to. i'm leaving you the way i think it should be. ill never get that it's not what you say, it's how you say it. thisiswhatigetforwantingmore. -rick

jeart

2005-06-15T12:36:00.000-05:00

we have patchwork nights like this.
just sewn together but not really matching.
we would if we could though.
just coming apart at the seams and thats what's so attractive about eachother.
there's beauty in the flaws.
we could beat this rap. we could change your mind about us.
we could live through this.
we just don't want to.

-ricky

is it love or sympathy?

2005-05-25T20:34:00.000-05:00

you've got to hope there's someone for you, as strange as you are. who can cope with the things that you do, without trying too hard. you can bend the truth, till it's suiting you. these things you're wrapping all around you, you'll never know what they will amount to cause life is just going on without you. it's the end of the things you know....here we go.

listen to this song. it's moving

-ravishing rick rude

all time record high

2005-04-12T23:03:00.000-05:00

i would just like to state that 2004 was the year of love.

COUNTEM' 10

are we growing up or going down

2005-04-10T11:50:00.000-05:00

love doesnt mean a thing if its not leaving us light headed- all my headaches are in my chest for you now.

love is just going on because we're trying to get real. here's to spring cleaning (up all the messes we made over winter). ive got new habits and loves including: words all over again, bloody lips, and fuck offs. "9 weeks can't change you". but you don't even get it. words just love me more. no worries though. you: "damn kid you just look so sad". me: "....". but im changing. get (re)born. i dont want this anymore. get busy living or get busy dying.

-ricky said

times a changing

2005-03-09T09:55:00.000-06:00

So...ok i was thinking...I try to keep an open mind and take into consideration the thought of others. It kind of makes me feel insecure because if i have an open mind, that means someone else has a closed mind and at times irrational. Lately... i know ive contradicted myself because in the past i said... pfff girl pants??? I wear my pants. call it a trend, fashion, i call it kinda cool looking haha.As of late there are a few who are dearly important to me who say i have changed and become a rude and incosiderate asshole. I may fail to see this, but that doesnt mean everyone else does. Everyone has their own lense of point, and i have to consider that and respect it. I dont have to agree with it, no, i dont, but have to wonder why and where it came from.THe truth is everyone changes, some moreso than others. Everyone i know who is my friend has changed... and i know a lot. Some grew as i expected, others... grew... well lets just say i saw everything pretty much comming. People gradually push toward where they want to go or who they want to be... others dont and become something they hate.ME? Yes i have to say I am happy with who i am. I dont think im rude or inconsiderate, and if you think me so... well tell me how i've offended you. I've tried hard to incoorporate the feelings of others and im sad to say i make compromises in my character, but i find out that this is what you pay for an open mind. There adaptation and then there is conformity. I still see that I am Ricky, and that there is a difference between me and your cookie cutter not so individual. I wish people could understand that change is constant, and even if people change i accept that, and to me it is ok. People who i am or was closest too have probably changed the most, and I do my best to accept their personalities for who they are because I love them. THere is a point where acceptance becomes something i cant do because of the uncomfortable aura that draws me away... but as long as you dont harm me, i see no reason to take action. I try to justify my actions with ... well an eye for an eye, but i guess that would make us all blind. We all try too hard to protect our pride, and I'm writing this so anyone who actually cares who i am can understand me. This or livejournal is a very fake place, but it can also be amazing when you talk to the right people. I havent always been so accepting in the past and recently im trying to consider everyones views and styles.Be yourself, because that is the best person you can be.thank you for listening.

-ricky

just tell me i'm not wanted

2005-02-19T02:53:00.000-06:00

im guessing you are regretting this monster you created. he gave me a prescription and said "these will take take care of your shyness". noone really gets that part though. and who ever wanted you to come out of your shell anyhow. maybe im just pretty sure that i am a total bore. and there's nothing tragic at all, this is (i'm) completely ordinary. and that's whats so tragic. it's so fucking mundane. so while we're all wasting our eyesight on these screens late into the night dying to find some connection to someone- our backs breaking from being hunched over the keyboard- im sending mail addressed to myself just so i get some. im looking in the mirror and dissecting myself, just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that. this wont make any sense when i read it in the morning. i dont want to sleep alone anymore.
- ricky

remember right now

2005-01-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

i hate how some of the right words fall off of my tongue and fingertips all wrong. maybe someday you'll know what you did to me. trust me, when broken is easily fixed, you tend to keep your guard up.

-ricky

R.I.P. Coach Emmanuel.
You were more than just a coach, you were a friend.

i am such a sucker & i'm always the last to know. my insides are copper. i'd kill to make them gold.

2005-01-26T09:31:00.000-06:00

sometimes i look back at the things i write and just want to throw it away. its like when it gets kind of bad the words just fall off my tongue and fingertips. but when it's at it's worst- its just contrite and cliche. not that any of this matters. but when posts are disappearing it's just me realizing i am being overdramatic. we're looking in mirrors and laughing cause we're in on it (princess of the scene, makeout queens).

-ricky

p.s.
when you went, i forgot everything about you...

i've got a bad idea and a dark alley that says you're full of shit

2005-01-21T23:40:00.000-06:00

feeling wierd as of late has got me a little down. it's a feeling that is for the most part undescribable. something like those last days of summer, when the person you love leaves the room, like holding your breathe when you know you need to breathe. it's something strange and you just have to grit your teeth and deal with it but i feel it before every word/lie that comes out of my mouth. maybe this is all because i miss you. you've fooled the world but you can't fool me/yourself. happy endings don't really happen in a world like this. and all these memories, we can't believe them. we were faking it. attention is the only thing we were striving for. i know i'm full of shit when i say this but - i'mbetteroffwithoutyou.

cause you aint got nobody and i aint got nobody either- so lets be alone together.

-ricky
p.s.
i remember the look in your eyes.
just off of rodd field rd.

Its funny the way people only say stuff like "you could never be replaced" right before they replace you

2005-01-19T19:16:00.000-06:00

Austin is amazing. be jealous...

you feel like a new sweater on the first day of school- perfect but nervous-and tonight is just off of rocket sHIPS

-ricky

i'm getting better at this everyday...

2004-12-24T14:00:00.000-06:00

i honestly don't know who reads this but, merry christmas to you
-ricky

spend most of my time trying to write hits - with the constant weight of worry that they'll all miss

2004-12-19T21:03:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when you look back on your first kiss, first big mistake, first time seeing a naked girl, first time you fell asleep next to someone and couldn't wait to wake up and talk to them, first love, first time feeling so fucking lost/found (out), the first time you say something (and want to take it back as you say it but its too late) and wake up the next morning wishing it was a bad dream- and no matter how much you want them back but you can't have them (sorry). It doesn't make them feel any less electric or sting any less each time it happens. It didn't make any sense than and it doesn't make much more now. and I remember how much time I spent trying so hard to be cool (for you) and then when uncool became in - I thought I finally had it. I pushed the enevelope and made awkward and blue look good (I can't stand/stop myself). And in a year I doubt, in fact I am sure noone will care how shitty some girl treated me, no matter how witty or spiteful or catchy the words that are written about it. Still, right now, this moment feels like it goes on forever. Like it has always gone on but I just never payed attention to it (till it smashed me in the face in the form of you). I can write about but words are of poor substitute for the taste of bile on my toungue from the void of words to snap back at the dial tone when you hang up and the inevitable bowing before the porcelain and dying on the tile floor. But enough of the trips down memory lane (the problem is when you can't get off it). Send me some directions I am at the corner of has been and never was. It's funny how when it feels like I can't breath when I think of you (and him and him and him) so I try to focus on each individual part of the process and simplify it, will myself to work. I wish I had the courage to tell you I deserved better. (But I think somewhere deep down I know I deserve it). And you feeling good shouldn't come at the expense of my dignity. And noone has as many excuses as you. And how nothing feels worse than this stomachache except when I think of how you tell me about how cola and peppermint calm my stomach lining.... And all your wonderful remedies for the problems you cause. But everytime I open my mouth nothing comes out but, "yeah, I'm doing alright" (I'd like to thank my family, and god for helping me get the award for year's best lie). I used to obsess over feeling better. Now I only obsess over you.

-rick

i think it's so rad that none of you can comment on here...

2004-11-27T14:16:00.000-06:00

how naive we are to think someone out there could possibly fill our every desire. we hang on the notion of the princess that embodies everything we could ever want in a person.
wait...just wait.
someday you'll wake up (or maybe not), roll over and see the person for what they are. good intentions and half hearted guilted attempts at romance. her eyes tell me this often, and yes, its hurts. so now fucking what? i layed in bed last night for 2 hours tossing and turning thinking of what i could do. how i could possibly be someones everything, because no matter how hard i (we) try, i may owe royalties to the person who coined the phrase, "good intentions pave the way to hell." love had us fooled a long time ago having us think it was compassionate. i cant think of anything more in the world thats taken more hearts and lives. ive come to understand that we turn love against us, because we dont understand it. we want and we dont give. our juvenile minds cant grasp the notion of true compromise. and thats it. true compromise is true romance. and to find someone who makes you understand the truth, the truth and understanding that while i may not be everything she could ever wish for,
i am everything she wants.

at least i hope so.
cause im betting it all.

-sticky ricky wa wa

with every breathe i wish your body will be broken again

2004-11-22T23:31:00.000-06:00

make sure that you hang on these words because this is the last time i'll say your name. fuckaspacebariwrotethisforyou

its not holding grudges, its burning bridges to ensure we dont make the same mistakes again. its sad when people dont take a stand or speak out when they've been taken advantage of.

fool me once, shame on me. fool me twice and you're dead to me.

this is my life and ill kill you with everything i have if you shake the stability i have worked so hard for. i would be lying if i said i wasnt happy seeing your credibility go down the drain. you make me look golden.

and thats not an easy feat.

-ricky

one chance

2004-11-15T22:36:00.000-06:00

i only did it for the attention
I'm just a broken emo record. Time to retreat to other areas.
You know where to find. Or maybe you don't.

Wink. Smile.

-Ricky

know your role

2004-11-14T01:11:00.000-06:00

i am not a writer. nope. never have been. im a storyteller. i tell the story of me because its all i know.ive been writing these stories of 'me' for years. im an egotistical, selfish, smiling, motherfuck. anyone with a computer can tell you that. ive started to do a little reverse lurking. up until recently i havent looked at any of your journals. what i see is that we all want to be heard, we all want people to understand, we just want someone to pay attention, and we all want answers. so when some asshole with a knack for bullshit gives the illusion that they know what theyre talking about, people listen. (see: dr. phil, al franken, rush limbaugh, etc.) im tired. ive been telling this story of 'me' for years and it wears me out. im exhausted from digging and opening old wounds and from leaving myself open to criticism and ridicule. but i do it because i love it. but its telling the story of 'me' that opened my eyes and ears to my voice. what i mean is, no one ever listens to themselves. we all have clear thoughts that we dont voice and truths that we refuse to hear. why? because they challenge us. because its easy to go along. to feel alone. to sit and brood in our rooms. to feel numb. to yell without context. to write words we think we should because some other asshole with a journal writes that way. we fool ourselves to think the worlds on fire...and its not. theres a voice that screams, "quit being a pussy," everytime we cry. we shrug it off because its easy and comfortable to lie to ourselves, to wallow, to be depressed. it takes effort and strength to deal. thats why i have no respect for the drunks falling out of the bar that i will pass to pick up my sushi (the imperial). theyre hiding. if they say theyre not well then that makes them fucking liars too. i dont know any more than you...i know exactly what you do. im just not afraid of it. so butch up nancy.
are you a fucking murderer or a victim?
cause we all play our role.

-between your smiles and regrets... ricky

tough times for dreamers

2004-11-12T01:20:00.000-06:00

i've gotten a lot of advice in my life. and i've given a lot of advice. but the one thing i truly believe more than anything is *never change yourself for somebody* i haven't because i did before, and it didn't work. whoever says "never fall in love" has gotten their heart broken but if everyone just forgets about the outcome, they can enjoy it more. i want to fall in love and i have so. even if i get my heart broken, isnt it all worth it? i say don't just fall in love,trip, and fall face down, smack dab, right in the middle of it. the end.
-ricky

i dare you

2004-11-04T22:01:00.000-06:00

isn't it wierd how different seasons make you think of different people. winter makes me think of you and summer makes me think of you. spring and fall are strictly reserved for friends (lssrs). i'll never get over it. when i stand outside on cold nights, all i can see and hear is you and when i'm outside in the summer's heat, all i can feel is your touch. i hope i remember everything when i'm old. emotions have been running at an all time high as of late. successful phone conversations are at best. i get so emotional sometimes that i just want to scream every word into this screen, but knowing you don't care (when we all know you do) makes it tough to get any word across. ive always been a fairly level headed person... but today i felt the fire in my head. nervous loss of breath, chest caving in feeling. a heat that overtakes your neck then face and finally burning into your eyes. could you tell? i do a great job of hiding it well... walking out that door tonight i was unsure of many things. i hope i'm sure of this one.

-emo kid ricky

p.s.
let's file our hearts under "unbreakable" & "indestructable" because that's all we have left.

200 miles just doesnt seem so far

2004-11-02T23:25:00.000-06:00

skipping breathes and heartbeats suck. talking to you all night made it all better. i didn't go for more than 5 minutes today without you on my mind. i don't know if that's a good thing but i know that i like/love the way you make me feel. sure its a little wierd cause we hardly know eachother but i can deal. for some reason i just wanted to cuddle with you all day and talk, laugh, look at you... whatever. i dont know where all this is gonna go but i hope it goes where we want it. <3

-ricky

i don't know what in the hell i'm talking about but for some reason it makes sense

2004-10-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

reason is all our generation needs. its our pass to wave when blame falls upon us. We wave our flags of resentment and are immediately absolved of accountability, guilt and shame. Sink or swim, there comes a point when we have to realize that we are who we let ourselves be. If we continue to be the victim of mommy and daddys mistakes that's all we will be, an emotional hypochondriac. So we grow and we accept, we deal and we mature. Fuck mom and dad, if I'm an asshole its because I let myself become one. But that's not what this is about.This is about not only being accountable for every action, re-action, emotion and relationship because we are the bruised and broken sons and daughters of shame and filth. This is about allowing us to reap the benefits of a semi-privileged upbringing. Life gives you lemons, you make a goddamn orchard. i embrace the strength of character it took my family to not only support but eventually admonish the demons. but those demons live in me...

-ricky

p.s.
don't take this the wrong way. this is my journal so don't talk shit.

promise and precision

2004-09-28T23:57:00.000-05:00

if you see me in the next couple of days throw some pennies into wells and make some eyelash wishes for me so i can get some better luck. too bad i have the best of it and luck couldn't touch me. i wish this city was more than it is. suck. so i wrote a couple the other night and they sound just incredible. i impress myself sometimes. oh well. crappy post. i'll post some more emo shit later... goodnight and sweetdreams

idontknowwhativegottenmyselfintobutiloveit.
-ricky

It's tough times for dreamers

2004-09-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

There was a quote I read a while ago, "remember everyone you meet has loved something, lost something and fears something". Outside of its obvious meaning, I don't think there's been a more clear definition of the word, relationship. Talking with women and gay men about relationships all day and bros and dudes at night, I've become a kind of expert in the certainties of the ups and downs. The most basic and prevelent being, "the grass is always greener on the other side", the only exception to this being the beginning of a relationship or the beginning of being single. Desire is the fire that instills the never ending "burning" in our pants that we can never extinguish. The second, similar to the first, being we always want what we can't have. If we're single we want someone to cuddle with, if we're cuddling with someone we want someone to makeout with, if we're making out we just want some on to bang, if we're banging we just want someone to love, if we're in love we just don't understand why they don't love us the way we love them, if they love us too much we think, "damn, why don't they just chill the fuck out", then we start to think about being single...and so a million john hughes movies are born. And third, relying on others to make us happy is certain failure. If we fall for the "you complete me" jerry maguire bullshitt, we will fail. Every relationship you've ever been in has failed, everyone you've ever known has failed, whether they're still together or not. Why? Because we're all looking FOR love, not looking to BE love. Going into relationships with guards and walls, reservations and expectations deems us failures from the start. We can't be happy (try to convince yourself all you want) until we're happy with ourselves. So how do you feel when you're alone? Without a shoulder? How do you feel 6 months into being single lying in bed between those 10 minutes of forever before you fall asleep? You don't 'complete' shit, you arrogant bastards. If the focus is on me, me and me how could you possibly expect someone to be unselfish and give you what you think you 'deserve'? Its rare that two people are in the same position in life and can make things work, that's why most (if not all) of the time we do fail. We fail ourselves, we cheat others. We 'cheat' boy and girls and lovers with open hearts into thinking we can give them what they need but we 'fail' to give them what they all truly deserve.

-Ricky

i haven't forgotten about this but here's some notes...

2004-08-02T09:48:00.000-05:00

after awhile when you bounce back and forth between different hearts nothing gets old. you never really have to mean anything to anyone. i have intimacy problems with the world. her eyes are blackened around the edges so much that she looks like a racoon. they look like permenant black eyes- the consumate victim. everybody loves the victim. he can’t put his finger on what it reminds him of but the closest he can come are old zombie movies. she’s made-up to look half dead- which still beats most of them who are just half-alive anyway. her hair looked like rows of shark teeth dyed over dye jobs like she was running away from her natural color. noone wants to be what they are. she looks independent in a very vulnerable way. the safest kind of dangerous. we drove around the city so she could alternate between cigarettes and coffee. we talk about the kids we hate just so we have something to agree about. they used to be just like us. we’re sitting on the edge of her bed. every single inch on your body is filled with millions of nerves. somewhere inside your brain neurons have fired to synapses and put them on alert. when your hands brush hers it feels electric. every movement has a meaning, either yes or no. its getting later and later. the conversation and the possibilities are running out. last call. this is a war. everytime she moves her hand to her hair she is sending you signals. stay or leave. why can’t you figure them out. don’t strike first. wait until you are tired enough to make a move. lean in to kiss her bringing an awkward break in conversation. as you pull back she keeps talking about writers and bands she thinks will make her look cooler. but your fooled if only because you are worried she has found you out. push your tongue into her mouth too keep the right words from spilling out. her sheets smell like stale cigarettes smoked by boys who were me on nights before. she has a body that is built for sex. the kind a kid like me wouldn’t know what to do with if we had half the chance. imagine the chemistry of swallowed DNA. she has a scar that runs down her back right along the spine, like somebody tried to steal it. i joked her like this: “someone must have ignored the blue prints, look at all the structural damage”. but i stuttered and trailed off. the smoke curled off of her lips. for a second i was dying to be it. dying to be as clever and kissable as her. there she was sitting in front of me, knee pulled up to to her chin. smoking a cigarrette thinking of something or someone else. and thats how she will be stuck in my mind forever. two explorers in the dark, mapless and hopeless. alone together. its funny how easy it is to sleep with someone, but how hard it is to sleep next to someone. it’s too intimate. it makes my heartbeat race and pound inside my head. it is deafening. i slide my arm from behind her head and slip out the door. the pavement on the sidewalk is watching me go over every moment in my head. it’s watching me remember you. mistake by mistake. frame by frame. we’re not just taking trips down memory lane, we are broken down on it.

this is the new romance.

2004-06-30T10:30:00.000-05:00

well since lj was being dumb, this will never let me down. so here goes:
your ideas of beauty and romance are just plain boring and outdated.

the flowers: expensive, dead and chiche'. ooh roses, you think that one up yourself? and your forced dates make more for awkwardness and ego-stroking than anything else.
and when that boy you're in love with doesnt pay as much attention to you as he did in the beginning, yep it means he doesnt love you as much as you love him. and chances are you wont live happily ever after. cause most of us dont. dont believe me? ask around.
that whole saving yourself for marriage bit? makes about as much sense as not test driving a car before you buy it. wise up.
and if you're still falling for the same 'i screech my tires, hey look what i can do/buy' dickhead, well then missy you deserve all the garbage he throws at you. like spending five hundred bucks on a car and getting pissed when it craps out on you. cause people are only as shitty as you let them be.
your ideas of romance are as worn out and warped as that old ass vhs porno you've been holding onto since 7th grade.
everyones done what you think you're the first to feel.
your prom, fuck it. its not magical. its $100 tux fees, $500 limos and throwing up in buckets at 2am.
losing your virginity that night? way to wipe out any lick of romance from whats supposed to be the ultimate expression of love.
wearing your hair up? yeah, only girls find this attractive. same goes for your sick fake nails, no ones buying the 2 inch thick french manicure you paid far too much for, and good luck getting those things off. ill be damned if ive EVER heard a guy say, "damn dude, you see her nails? thats sooo hott." staying up till its way too goddamn light outside, making out somewhere your parents dont want you to be.
this is the new romance.
its first times on parents beds.
its tripping her from behind.
its stealing cars for sneak kisses.
its 6 hour phone calls.
its text messages.
its telling your friends you love them/her.
its reading someone to sleep.
its video game tournaments with people you love the most.
its getting her into the show for free (july 27th).
its stolen tulips from gardens.
its being able to remember what you did last night.
its having fun with sex.
its the split second your eyes meet hers when you're going down on her.
its keeping your word.
its breaking it off when its time.
its spooning on the couch.
its the energy in the air the 5 minutes before they ring that doorbell.

the real romance is the 10 people who truly matter in this world.
the real romance is not giving a shit what the other 5,999,999,990 think.
the real romance is the beauty of the fuck you.

live your life but i miss you more than i did yesterday... you're beautiful

2004-06-28T12:35:00.000-05:00

slipping secrets every time we can seems to be this years story. keeping it all in used to be something i could do really well and now i couldn't if my life depended on it. i want to tell you more than i do, but knowing that it would'nt get me anywhere is pointless and becoming a lovely letdown (tomyself). but in the same token, knowing all of this is gonna be worth it is the greatest feeling in the world. it's moments like these that i live for. earning every part of the way and not taking anything handed to me. i'm glad you make this hard and maybe time is what (the nurse) ordered. it's funny how she knows when i'm smiling, crying (and i never admit that to anyone), or any kind of mood i'm in. i love it. you're the only one who understands me & i just can't let that go. i'm with you till the end.

watching my chemical romance with you made my day. and you looked beautiful.
@)--^----(

p.s. i still owe you this :)...

-ricky

shhiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

2004-06-17T13:24:00.000-05:00

are you down with the sound of this devil town?

we are the dirty boys who kiss and tell.
we are the shady motherfuckers who push (and often cross) the line.
we are the smiling faces behind your fuckups.
we are the picture takers and heart-fuckers.
we are the "give them an inch and they'll take a mile".
we are what you wish you were.
we are what we never wanted to be.
we are prettier and more distant than you'll ever know.
we are the objects of your unrequited love.
we are the little notes with motives.
we are the smiles complete with swear fingers.
we are the dreamers that live and die by computers and finger points.
we are the boys who call just as you're getting over us.
we are all better six feet under.
we dont take the time to get to know you, you wouldnt understand us anyway.
we are arrogant motherfuckers
and
we are the ones laughing at you
and
we are the ones who live by the fuck you
and
we kill you in the end.

but right now, you live through (and in) us.

let me introduce you to (the greatest people in the world) my friends...

compliments of CHRISXXX

take this breathe and breathe in just for you

2004-06-16T13:21:00.000-05:00

ok so i haven't written in this thing for a while now so stfu already. life as of now is good. friends are awsum and you are even more awsum then ever before. family is in this week. i wonder how that's gonna go. i'm sure it'll be great. so yeah, summer has been here for a while and i still looking forward to the rest of it. i can't wait to go back to school though. i love it. next year i'm gonna be bustin some ass. del mar is getting old. who's gonna be the best lawyer on this planet?

-rick

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

2004-06-16T13:20:00.001-05:00

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	erotic
Your hugs are...	friendly
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	hypnotising
Your love is...	one of a kind

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

lets make tonight our biggest mistake

2004-06-04T18:37:00.001-05:00

ok so i haven't written in this thing in a while. i used to write in this everyday but i've been lazy. so life is good as of now. it's weird how i can write forever when life seems to be going downhill. i'll try to make this as long as possible. this month is gonna be busy for me. i'm gonna be going all over doing stuff and it's gonna be with lssrs so it's gonna be awsum. vanessa used to be the pain in my ass but it's cool now. we talked the other night and everything is cope and steady. ummm... that's all i have to say for now so i guess i'll write something cool later.

let's play ping-pong forever.. <3

yummy indeed

2004-05-27T18:27:00.000-05:00

R	Responsible
I	Industrious
C	Confused
K	Kinky
Y	Yummy

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
ricky

you are what you eat so you must be a dick

2004-05-22T01:39:00.000-05:00

went to the show tonight and it was alright. tomorrow i have to work like a bitch and i'm sooo tired. i need a new job. i'm kinda look for the 9-5er and working weekdays... i've applied at places but no call backs yet. ahh oh well. another day i guess

-ricky
sorry i wasn't all emo in this one. i'll try to be more depressed later...

ahh.. sweet

2004-05-19T19:57:00.000-05:00

i know i'm not your favorite record

2004-05-18T23:33:00.000-05:00

ok so you've lied to me countless times and i think i've had enough. i'm sorry but i won't be talking to you anymore. can i count how many more people will let me down this year. it's horrible. i can't trust anyone anymore. you never really can anyway. everybody walks around with a knife in thier back pocket. it's kinda funny. oh well, life goes on.

on another note

when i wake up every morning i'm soo willing to take chances that i probably shouldn't. it could be soo much more than this. either way, i'll be here. where you will be, who knows. but can you at least tell me where we're at. well i'll end it with that. i hope you're dreaming of me cause i'll more than likely be dreaming of you. heh.

-ricky
p.s.
if the beats alright we'll dance all night. you're my new favorite drummer Melissa. <--oh shoot 8)

every line is plotted in design

2004-05-15T16:30:00.000-05:00

this post is dedicated to a person who reads this that i never even thought would. wierd? dumb? interesting? which is it? haha. let me tell you a few things about myself. i'm the kind of guy who would rather spend friday nights at home writing in his journal instead of going out and drinking. you are the total opposite of me and it's cool or whatever. i'm not writing this to get you or anything like that. it's just to make you understand why i write the things i write. i guess it's because me and girls don't get along. i'm shy, neglectful and they lie to me. oh well, i still live. well i guess till the next post, increase the peace in the middle east....

i only write this for the loveless

2004-05-09T21:27:00.000-05:00

hand over my heart, gun to my head i swear to fucking god i'm through with you and this town (i'm the worst liar). i want to stop myself from only thinking of you. get me to a hospital. get me to a church. i want to be bandaged and blessed. i want to see the country from a hearse.

fuck it if you ever read this thing, this isn't about you.

none of this is for you

-r

if you say this makes you happy, i'm not the only one...

2004-05-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

so i talked to you last night. it was cool. started listening to matchbook romance. thank god for the repeat button on my stereo. it's funny how bands will never let me down, it's funny how some girls always do. you were laughing so much. god i wish i was inside laughing with you.

to whom this may concern...
you said that you won't be talking to me anymore. i really could care less. your words have not fallen on deaf ears, just on ones that don't care. i'll teach you a lesson for keeping secrets from me.

tonight the headphones will deliver the message that i can't say. i'll be writing you from a million miles away.

-rick

i am such a sucker

2004-05-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

i saw you today and let me tell you, i didn't expect it. hugging you was just, ahhh!! i really like getting to know you. i just wanna ask you so many ?'s. i hope with you it's different. who knows where it all may go but what i do know is that it's soo cool right now. could you tell i was nervous? all the talking covered it up really well. when i say things to you, it's not cause i think you wanna hear them. i really mean them. either way, i would never let you down.

-ricardo gallegos jr.

make art...

2004-05-03T22:30:00.000-05:00

2004-05-02T23:42:00.000-05:00

new friends are golden

2004-05-01T07:33:00.000-05:00

meeting new people is like buying new shoes, MUST BE BROKEN IN. i remembered your WHOLE NAME. heh. and to whom this may concern. i've forgotten about you and your smile. i didn't know you were a killer.

if my heart is a handgrenade
every
word
you
say
pulls the pin...

-ricky

2004-04-27T12:33:00.000-05:00

golden by default.

2004-04-25T23:09:00.000-05:00

its not holding grudges, its burning bridges to ensure we dont make the same mistakes again. its sad when people dont take a stand or speak out when they've been taken advantage of.

fool me once, shame on me. fool me twice and you're dead to me.

this is my life and ill kill you with everything i have if you shake the stability i have worked so hard for. i would be lying if i said i wasnt happy seeing your credibility go down the drain. you make me look golden.

and thats not an easy feat.

-i'm rick james bitch

there's a light on in CHICAGO

2004-04-17T17:49:00.000-05:00

ok so i haven't updates this thing in a while. i wonder how everything is with everybody. i want to move to another city and start over. sometimes people move away for the wrong reasons. i know what i have to do, i just need to do it. i dyed my hair black today. no big difference, it was dark brown to begin with. it could be sex though. EHH!!

crossyourfingers.HOPETODIE.threwmyheartinthesky.
catch it please...

-ricky

i have you right where i want you

2004-04-11T09:01:00.000-05:00

running to dodge the rain and getting straws stuck on your lip on the way home is way more cooler then you think. thanks Katie for everything, i really appreciate it. so now it seems like the fog is cleared and life is begining to look on the brighter side. good things don't last forever but in the end, it was all worth it.

there's a fool born every minute.

2004-04-08T08:48:00.000-05:00

ok so these past couple of days have been so confusing for me. i just don't know what to do. in a way, i've become what i hate the most. i'll be your favorite liar of all time. we're keeping secrets and it's so not cool. i'll play your game for a little while longer but then after, i'll be gone. my pen is the barrel of the gun, remind me what side you should be on.

iknowicouldcrushyouwithmyvoice

-ricky

AHHHH!!!

2004-04-07T16:09:00.000-05:00

ok, so i'm confused

chicken + koolaid = fuckin lair

2004-04-05T08:41:00.000-05:00

light that smoke for giving up on me. and just one cause they'll kill you sooner then my expectations. to my favorite liar, to my favorite scar. i could have died with you. i hope you choke on those words that kissed that bottle. burry me in memory. now ask yourself how you felt on the inside. i said i loved you but i lied.

-ricky

wrote this one for you...

2004-04-02T09:23:00.000-06:00

Not Over Yet (Never Let Go)...

i haven't talked to you
seems like two weeks
i'm wondering if
you still think of me

i can only assume
the worst things
only time will tell
what this all may bring

it's not over yet
like we said
we promised never to let go
keep yours and i'll keep mine

where was i
with you
giving up, it never seeped
so hold me
while i'm gone.
so close, so far
and it meant nothing to you at all
so now i'm gone.

this silence comes
with uncertainty
who knows where we'll be
in 3 weeks

i never gave up my end
please tell me if you do
maybe we rushed this but
it just seems too soon (to give up)

you know i'll never let you go
(you said i'll never let you go)
you know i'll never let you go 2X

-rick james.. heh

let's look at the big picture

2004-03-30T21:22:00.000-06:00

+ i'm still here with you
+ you're hanging on
- we really can't see eachother
+ but we'll never move on
+ what we have is GOLDEN
- i only wish they would see
+ how jealous they really are
+ because this is something they could never be...

-ricky

it's getting harder to sleep

2004-03-26T05:00:00.000-06:00

learning how to breathe all over again is really hard/pleasant thing to do. i guess when all this is said and done, we'll be better people. so long and take care.

if you think this is about you, it's not.

r

only this is oh oh oh so true

2004-03-23T18:43:00.000-06:00

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	-10,000,000 damn you suck
your best quality is	you have class
your worst quality is	theres nothing bad about you
this is because	other people influenced you

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

love is blind but not deaf

2004-03-23T08:49:00.000-06:00

Its funny howmuch you run and you're out of town. Your stories have gotten so much better than you ever were. I'm sick of the phonecalls asking me about the shit you say. You are a flash in the coffin. The hits feel like the joke, watching your teeth fall out is the punchline. Those that live in glasshearts shouldn't throw stones (and I bet you never thought I knew). I'm not your friend anymore.

If you think this is about you. It is.

leave to austin already so we can all forget about you.

2004-03-21T19:01:00.000-06:00

this weekend LSSRS hit up South Padre Island. it was great with the exception of one person... VENIS PENIS. i can't stand her sometimes and this weekend was one of those times... she's always like "WAH WAH WAH!! MY VAGINA HURTS!!" i swear i wish she would die. ha i'm jk. she just get's on my fucking nerves if she doesn't go her way. oh well... we'll live. next trip though... JUST GUYS

light that smoke for giving up on me

2004-03-18T05:58:00.000-06:00

that will be the last time i will wait for your call. from now on, this shit is on my terms. i will break your heart.

-ricky

nothing feels quite right on this cold and dark night

2004-03-17T19:21:00.000-06:00

the stars have been joking with me and i'm not in on it. sometimes i feel left out even though i'm not and others, i feel as if i would die without all the attention. all this loss of sleep over you has got me thinking about right now. sometimes i wish i could just leave this town and go somewhere and meet new people to find out what they have to say about this world. i'm sure it's the same words, said differently. i have come to find out one thing this past week... sleepcureseverything.

r

the world seems so black and grey on such a sunny day

2004-03-16T09:39:00.000-06:00

well we talked this morning and let me tell you, it was weird. said hello, talked, got mad, got sad, then apologized. i have no idea what that was about and we'll probably forget about it before you can say what happend but, we've been doing that alot lately. i dont know what's gonna happen. anywhoo, spring break has been pretty cool thus far. haven't gone to the beach or hit up anything fun since saturday. just work. thinking about you has become my new favorite hobbie. i've been thinking alot and i'm gonna stop second guessing anything and go with the flow. seems easier and better that way. bottom line... I Love You. i can't wait to kiss you on the mouth.

anightwithoutyouisanightinhell

-rick a.k.a. hot hot sex

don't mess with texas

2004-03-15T13:27:00.000-06:00

well work has been really fun as of late. i never thought i would be saying that but i've actually been looking foward to go to work. i can't wait to talk to you tonight, i have lots to say. let's take pictures... :)

you better make this up to me

2004-03-13T08:15:00.000-06:00

i remember waiting for you to come
remember waiting for yo to call
remember waiting here to find nothing at all..

no matter how far i bend, you'd never let me break

2004-03-11T15:01:00.000-06:00

i went to go visit my mother today in the hospital. her sergury went rather well. i'm glad she made it out ok. she'll be home saturday and i'm so glad for that. her being gone hasn't been the same. there's no one here to bitch at me or tell me to wash dishes... heh. you'd think that's a good thing but i have gotten used to it and it's wierd not having her here... thanks for the prayers, means alot.

right now everyone except you is calling. imissyou

this story's going somewhere

2004-03-11T06:01:00.000-06:00

ok so i talked to her this morning and well, i miss the hell out of her. "i still have that shooting feeling like he's right here next to me." <---this was in her info. heh. i love this kid.

dropping hearts like names

2004-03-09T13:22:00.000-06:00

you are the only thing on my mind. i cant wait to go to sleep tonight to dream of you. @)--^---(

-ricky

tell all your friends you have your gun to my head

2004-03-07T20:00:00.000-06:00

i think i understand her but im not sure- i'm never sure of that. you know, you can never truly be sure someone is truthfull with you, ever. with anyone. its this curse that people can carry and they've been lying so long they don't remember what it means to tell the truth anymore. so you can either stop trying to second guess them and believe that they care. or you can do what i've been doing. I'm quitting that- my brain/heart/body hurts from it and i can't do it anymore. if she breaks my heart it will be by something real. that i see. i'm not going to say "what if" ever again. its killing me.

ps. i wrote a song about what happened to me these past few days. i may post it. who cares

-ricky

I got songs that know what you did in the dark

2004-03-07T05:45:00.000-06:00

its always too late when you find the right direction. maybe nobody is waiting for me to get it right. anywhoo, i saw her 2 nights ago, and let me just say that it was nothing short of beautiful. everything went perfect. you got me smiling.

all poets are kids who just never made it...

-rick

you and me are like one heart beat

2004-03-06T10:39:00.000-06:00

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

you'll become a servant in the afterlife if you do.

2004-03-06T09:44:00.000-06:00

as of the past 3 days, i know of 3 people who have tried to kill themselves. it's so depressing to hear this because i never would have thought they would attempt to do this or even think about it. these suicide attempts are all due to relationships. i just don't get it, why would you kill yourself over a dumbass? it's not worth it at all and in the end, they get the best of you. these people need to seriously come back to reality, build a bridge, and get over it. suicide will never be an answer to whatever question they have. as most of you know i really don't drink or do anything of that manner. well when i was at work yesterday, they asked how much i could handle. i replied to them that i really don't care for drinking. they had jokes. i just don't see the point, i dont know why people do it. i could care less for it. i hate people who say they can't be themselves without alcohol or even go out unless it's involved. they need to go home and listen to the whole Minor Threat discography and get cleansed. fuck them. I'm EDGE.

-rick

you (plus sign) me (equal sign) us... CALCULUS

2004-03-05T05:05:00.000-06:00

last night i went to check out some local bands and friends of mine. Winchester rocked the mic and Jr. High Jinx were just awsome as usual. i wish i still had my band. i'm gonna miss those days. this is a crappy post. i'll update it later

-rick's got the magic stick

and the oldest movie i've ever seen, is the one about you and me

2004-03-04T08:04:00.000-06:00

sometimes when you think of someone special in your life you try not to think negative. lastnight we found out that we expect the worst in everything just to not get disappointed... :) as corny as it sounds, that means alot to me. and if YOU weren't so tired, i would have stayed on the phone longer with you. i'm so just kidding. ok so i woke up late today and missed all of my classes. that blows becase now when i do go back, i'm gonna have a shit load of homework. oh well, i guess i'll write something in here later because i know this sucks. heh. later skaters

-rick

youonlylookthisgoodwhenyourecryingyoureyesout

2004-03-02T04:08:00.000-06:00

where do i start? i have so much to say. if you say you're gonna be there, be there. if you say you're gonna hold me, hold me tight. if you say you'll never let me fall to the ground, then catch me. i have so many thoughts of anger, fustration going through my head. you fucked up so bad this weekend and i don't know if i can find it in my heart to trust you anymore. i want to go somewhere, anywhere for that matter. it's so confusing and you probably don't know what i'm talking about but that's how i like it. start to finish, and left with a clue and a question. gun to my head with my hand over my heart, i might turn it right around and point it straight to you. let me know what side of the barrel you should be on. ahh!! anywhoo, on a good note, Sam just called me and he asked me if i wanted to go to Cancun with him this summer. OH FUCK YEAH!! haha. that was a dumbass question, so yeah, i'm booked. well till tomorrow stellas and stellos.

tell me how it really goes and i swear i'll walk out the room with a smile on my face and a knife in my back pocket. you're my favorite liar.

-ricky

there is a mosh pit with your name in it

2004-02-29T23:06:00.000-06:00

why does trusting people have to be so hard? being let down by someone you consider a friend or maybe more is one of the worst feelings in the world. i'm glad at least you pulled through this weekend. and to whom this concerns, i'm sorry but i won't be talking to you anymore.

i know you read this and none of this is for you. she said i'm her favorite lost cause.

-rick

my heart ticks in beat with these kids that i grew up with

2004-02-28T14:45:00.000-06:00

today i spent the day with LSSRS... it was great. s.p.i is going to be so much fun. i can hardly wait. LEWINSKY coming to you soon.

- ricky

living life like it's going out of style

2004-02-27T08:23:00.000-06:00

I have so much to say but most of it i really doubt you'll get to hear. writer's block couldn't even touch me. sometimes i feel like i could spend the rest of my life with someone. let me tell you about her. she makes being happy look so much fun. like it's the "in" thing. her style, well let's just say it's alot better then mine. her personality, out of this world. i want to take her to NASA where we would hop on a space shuttle, fly to the moon and blow up the world. sounds kinda wierd and boring yes i know, but with her, there's never a dull moment. she's always the life of the room, so spontaneous and energetic. it feels as if i could talk to her for the rest of my life about anything, or nothing at all. big suprise for you who read this tomorrow. secret.

-hey RICKY you're so fine. heh.

something i call personality

2004-02-26T08:11:00.000-06:00

Protector

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i think it's safe to tell you something

2004-02-26T04:15:00.000-06:00

lastnight can be summed up into one word. WIERD. hope you feel better and know i'll always be here for you. sometimes it feels like i'm at an all time low. it really felt like that yesterday and i found out that some people in my life are worse off then me so as crappy as it sounds, that made me feel better. i can't help how i feel. death in your room is better then life in mine.

-sticky icky ricky

i dont really care about before you met me.

if your gonna take a shot, make it count

2004-02-25T03:47:00.000-06:00

lately i find myself writing a lot of things down. not literally but like either on here or my other journal. i'm sorry for being so tired lastnight but i couldn't help to get to sleep fast to dream of you. tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that i can't say, i'll be writing you a million miles away

keep me in your heart for a while. www.clandestineindustries.com

-ricky

tough time for dreamers

2004-02-24T09:17:00.000-06:00

its so much better and worse than you'd ever think. write one to make my heart and lungs slow down. wrote the best one ever last night, i hope you get to read it one day. i also talked to her for hours. it must have been the best conversation that i've had in a really long time. well till fingers meet keys.

iwonderifitwasadream

-ricky

kiss me baby

2004-02-23T17:54:00.000-06:00

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
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lets dance

2004-02-23T13:08:00.000-06:00

whats up everybody. This is the place where I will whine and complain. Polish my ego. State my opinions as fact. Do grudge maintinence. Tell you about how I wish you knew what it was like to fall asleep next to your big eyes. This is where I will take my bad day out on you. and let you swing with my moods. Let out a couple secrets and then try to take them back. I am sorry my sarcasm doesn't translate that well on the computer screen (you can download a new program to help you if you are having problems and have windows 98 or better called: (I don't care).

-ricky