i think it's so rad that none of you can comment on here...
how naive we are to think someone out there could possibly fill our every desire. we hang on the notion of the princess that embodies everything we could ever want in a person.
wait...just wait.
someday you'll wake up (or maybe not), roll over and see the person for what they are. good intentions and half hearted guilted attempts at romance. her eyes tell me this often, and yes, its hurts. so now fucking what? i layed in bed last night for 2 hours tossing and turning thinking of what i could do. how i could possibly be someones everything, because no matter how hard i (we) try, i may owe royalties to the person who coined the phrase, "good intentions pave the way to hell." love had us fooled a long time ago having us think it was compassionate. i cant think of anything more in the world thats taken more hearts and lives. ive come to understand that we turn love against us, because we dont understand it. we want and we dont give. our juvenile minds cant grasp the notion of true compromise. and thats it. true compromise is true romance. and to find someone who makes you understand the truth, the truth and understanding that while i may not be everything she could ever wish for,
i am everything she wants.
at least i hope so.
cause im betting it all.
-sticky ricky wa wa
with every breathe i wish your body will be broken again
make sure that you hang on these words because this is the last time i'll say your name. fuckaspacebariwrotethisforyou
its not holding grudges, its burning bridges to ensure we dont make the same mistakes again. its sad when people dont take a stand or speak out when they've been taken advantage of.
fool me once, shame on me. fool me twice and you're dead to me.
this is my life and ill kill you with everything i have if you shake the stability i have worked so hard for. i would be lying if i said i wasnt happy seeing your credibility go down the drain. you make me look golden.
and thats not an easy feat.
-ricky
one chance
i only did it for the attention
I'm just a broken emo record. Time to retreat to other areas.
You know where to find. Or maybe you don't.
Wink. Smile.
-Ricky
know your role
i am not a writer. nope. never have been. im a storyteller. i tell the story of me because its all i know.ive been writing these stories of 'me' for years. im an egotistical, selfish, smiling, motherfuck. anyone with a computer can tell you that. ive started to do a little reverse lurking. up until recently i havent looked at any of your journals. what i see is that we all want to be heard, we all want people to understand, we just want someone to pay attention, and we all want answers. so when some asshole with a knack for bullshit gives the illusion that they know what theyre talking about, people listen. (see: dr. phil, al franken, rush limbaugh, etc.) im tired. ive been telling this story of 'me' for years and it wears me out. im exhausted from digging and opening old wounds and from leaving myself open to criticism and ridicule. but i do it because i love it. but its telling the story of 'me' that opened my eyes and ears to my voice. what i mean is, no one ever listens to themselves. we all have clear thoughts that we dont voice and truths that we refuse to hear. why? because they challenge us. because its easy to go along. to feel alone. to sit and brood in our rooms. to feel numb. to yell without context. to write words we think we should because some other asshole with a journal writes that way. we fool ourselves to think the worlds on fire...and its not. theres a voice that screams, "quit being a pussy," everytime we cry. we shrug it off because its easy and comfortable to lie to ourselves, to wallow, to be depressed. it takes effort and strength to deal. thats why i have no respect for the drunks falling out of the bar that i will pass to pick up my sushi (the imperial). theyre hiding. if they say theyre not well then that makes them fucking liars too. i dont know any more than you...i know exactly what you do. im just not afraid of it. so butch up nancy.
are you a fucking murderer or a victim?
cause we all play our role.
-between your smiles and regrets... ricky
tough times for dreamers
i've gotten a lot of advice in my life. and i've given a lot of advice. but the one thing i truly believe more than anything is *never change yourself for somebody* i haven't because i did before, and it didn't work. whoever says "never fall in love" has gotten their heart broken but if everyone just forgets about the outcome, they can enjoy it more. i want to fall in love and i have so. even if i get my heart broken, isnt it all worth it? i say don't just fall in love,trip, and fall face down, smack dab, right in the middle of it. the end.
-ricky
i dare you
isn't it wierd how different seasons make you think of different people. winter makes me think of you and summer makes me think of you. spring and fall are strictly reserved for friends (lssrs). i'll never get over it. when i stand outside on cold nights, all i can see and hear is you and when i'm outside in the summer's heat, all i can feel is your touch. i hope i remember everything when i'm old. emotions have been running at an all time high as of late. successful phone conversations are at best. i get so emotional sometimes that i just want to scream every word into this screen, but knowing you don't care (when we all know you do) makes it tough to get any word across. ive always been a fairly level headed person... but today i felt the fire in my head. nervous loss of breath, chest caving in feeling. a heat that overtakes your neck then face and finally burning into your eyes. could you tell? i do a great job of hiding it well... walking out that door tonight i was unsure of many things. i hope i'm sure of this one.
-emo kid ricky
p.s.
let's file our hearts under "unbreakable" & "indestructable" because that's all we have left.
200 miles just doesnt seem so far
skipping breathes and heartbeats suck. talking to you all night made it all better. i didn't go for more than 5 minutes today without you on my mind. i don't know if that's a good thing but i know that i like/love the way you make me feel. sure its a little wierd cause we hardly know eachother but i can deal. for some reason i just wanted to cuddle with you all day and talk, laugh, look at you... whatever. i dont know where all this is gonna go but i hope it goes where we want it. <3
-ricky
